"He will be gracious to you when you cry out"

Isaiah 30:20

When is the last time you had a good cry?

Wait a minute. Haven’t we all heard the statement, “Big boys don’t cry?” Is that what it means to be a man- not to cry?

I forget the name, but there is an interesting book about a Harvard study concerning young boys and the rules and codes they are conditioned with as they grow up in our society. Off they go to school for the first time. Some leave their parents readily and are free and confident in relating to their new classmates. Some go back and forth between hugging their mom and dad’s legs and interacting with the other children. And others just cry a lot clinging dearly to their mom and dad with their lives. There is a good chance they are not emotionally ready to start school and this type of growth should be looked after. At this point the parent can say to the boy, “Buck up! Come on- big boys don’t cry.” And this is just one scenario, among countless ways, that our young boys can receive the code not to cry.

So, these boys grow up to be men physically but what about emotionally, relationally, spiritually? When emotions get stuffed, communication is minimized or comes to a standstill, which makes it very hard to have honest relationships and growth. While this happens with both sexes, I see the boy how the boy code has very much handicapped men from being men. It seems that a lot of men are just angry, un-grown-up boys. If you can’t cry, just get angry at the world and try to control it all. How many men do you see that are truly men? How many men do you know that have more than surface relationships with other men, can be vulnerable with their emotions, are spiritual leaders of their households?

I posit that we all, especially men, need to learn how to cry. Yes, big boys/men do cry. It is time to start admitting that we are not steel, invincible, immovable and needless. What a lie all that is! Only God is that. Until we let God come into our infinite needs to show us who we are, we will remain little boys and girls- even though we may be in a grown-ups body.

But the Good News is, “he (The Lord God) will be gracious to you when you can call.” God will show us who we are, what it means to be a man/woman, how to be a spiritual leader, etc. when we cry out for his grace.

Here, we must talk about crying and tear ducts. Did you know it is a proven physiological fact that you can see more clearly after you have cried than before? Do not be afraid to cry and let the grace of God help you to see more clearly who you are supposed to be as a woman/man.

He will be gracious to you when you cry out.

+Fr. John

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