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He Gave His Only Son

"Have you come to believe because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed."

John 21:29

• There should be less talk. A preaching point is not a meeting point.


• The dying, the cripple, the mental, the unwanted, the unloved-- they are Jesus in disguise.


• In the West there is loneliness, which I call the leprosy of the West. In many ways it is worse than our poor in Calcutta. (Commonweal, Dec 19, 1997)


• It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving.


• The poor give us much more than we give them. They're such strong people, living day to day with no food. and they never curse, never complain. We don't have to give them pity or sympathy. We have so much to learn from them.


• I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience?


• I do not pray for success. I ask for faithfulness.


• Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go.


• If you judge people, you have no time to love them.

~Mother Teresa~

Two weeks ago my 13-year old daughter and I went go to the doctor for our annual visit. I guess it was after looking at the names of the two doctors who were to see us that I realized that I have crossed that fine divide between youth and maturity: my daughter was to see a pediatrician and me, I was to see a doctor whose specialization was "Geriatrics." I just had to say, wow, fifty years of me! And then that defining moment became, just like always, God's amazing vehicle for me to look back on my life and see the many twists and turns it has taken, the many doors He has closed. It is true that I would always look back, even when I had been way younger, but there was a difference then: during those earlier times I did look back, but I did not understand why things happened contrary to what I wanted. When I was a lot younger, say when I was 12, or when I was 28, or when I was 38, or as recently as when I was 46, I had very definite ideas about where I wanted to go, and who I wanted to become. And during those turning points when I did not get to be what I wanted to be, I became hurt and disappointed. I saw the disappointments as closed doors put there by life. I failed to understand that they were closed doors put there by our heavenly Father, so that I would consider another route to explore. All those wants and desires converged on a road that I now realize would have taken me to where I wanted, but not necessarily where our Father wanted me and all of us to be: to be securely with Him.

So now after almost fifty years of being nudged this way and that way by our heavenly Father, I am more receptive to understanding His loving wisdom as it manifests again through the succession of path changes that I have encountered lately. I thank Him for the gifts of good humor and patience, and the fact that now, although I will never see the bigger picture of why He keeps closing doors, I know that He wants me to keep knocking until I find the doors that He will open for me, leading me to where He wants me to do. Secured in that trust as I follow now without resistance to where He leads me, I notice one thing in my search: that the doors He has opened to me so far are doors that take me away from who I used to be, toward a transformation that amazes me still and will continue to amaze me. St. Paul says:

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

And it is very true in my own life. The broken-heartedness and crises, all the hurt that He has allowed to happen in my life, all contributed to my being reborn and redirected toward the way He wants me to be. It doesn't mean that it gets easier, or that the pain would go away; the difference is that God's renewing grace allows for that divine sense of peace and hope to nestle firmly in my heart. In the midst of unexpected outcomes, trusting God allows me to dare attempt to see the closed doors in His way. Now when an unexpected comes up, I know better than to attribute it to life: now with every closed door, I hear our Father's gentle voice, and so I ask: what do you want me to do, Lord?

Last Sunday during the morning mass the good Lord gifted me with the blessing of being one of the altar servers. Looking back to what has happened within the past year, I can say for sure that if one of the doors that I wanted to open for me had indeed opened, I wouldn't have had the time, or even perhaps the thought, to hear the Lord. I would have missed the indescribable overflow of joy, the depth of gratitude that suffused my whole being. You are wonderful, O Lord, always!

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