Do you ever wonder what is really going on inside of a person who chooses self-destructive behaviors? Why would they be doing that if it only is taking the life out of them, if they are becoming less of who they are? That person, of course, can be you or me.

I watched a story that had me thinking down these lines. It portrayed a restless woman involved in many life-taking behaviors. All self-respect was thrown out the window as she continually chose to abuse alcohol and her own body. I had my suspicions as I continued to ask why this woman was taking herself down.

Why always restless and on the run? Why all the men and booze? Deep down, what was driving her to do that? The "why" was revealed at the end of the story. When she was younger, she was sexually abused by a priest. We all know the incredible pain this causes and to add to that pain the priest continued in ministry and never went to prison for his crimes. The last scene shows this woman confronting this priest who was living in a nice retirement home, protected and never having to pay civilly for all the suffering he perpetrated. When she drove up to his house there he was, unscathed from his wrongdoing and working on the roses in his front garden.

Psalm 130 is a lament to God by a sinner who is asking for the relief of guilt and shame of sin. It is a begging to God to take away the weight and ugliness of sin from the depths of the psalmist's heart.

All of us have to deal with the weight and ugliness of pain in our hearts. In the case the woman who was abused, imagine her incredible pain. We see her response in anger, unforgiveness, restlessness, promiscuity and alcohol abuse. I am not saying I would do any different if I found myself in her shoes. But the call is to go beneath the anger and unforgiveness to deal with the pain. Her self-destructive behaviors are really cries for help and healing but they are only extending her pain, anger and unforgiveness. Only God can heal the depth of her pain.

What self-destructive behaviors, anger and unforgiveness do I have in my life? How can I truly cry out from the depths of my pain so that God can take away any self-destructive behaviors, anger and unforgiveness I have?

Blessed by the BEST,

+Fr. John